Today is the day that mass hysteria envelops our society turning mild-mannered grandmothers and housewives into something akin to werewolves during a full moon.
The marketing campaigns of America’s retailers (assisted by the mass media) have successfully created a shopping frenzy designed to free unsuspecting customers of billions of dollars in a single day.
Motivated by perceived scarcity and artificially low prices, shoppers arise in the wee hours of the morning (long before daylight) to accost one another in pursuit of the hottest holiday gifts — as defined by the very same marketing people who created the frenzy.
I have a fail-safe way of avoiding the insanity.
At risk of having government agents revoke my citizenship, I am prepared to share my Top Ten “Black Friday” Survival Tips:
1. STAY HOME.
2. Sleep in.
3. Turn on the news to see billions of werewolves crammed into the malls & thank God that you are not there.
4. Exercise (in prep for #6 below).
5. Put up your Christmas decorations.
6. Eat Thanksgiving leftovers.
7. Surf the internet & catch up on the blogs you haven’t had time to read.
8. Take a nap.
9. Watch football.
10. Rent a movie.
Well, my friends, that’s my silver bullet approach for surviving Black Friday — one of my least stressful days of the year. I hope it’s a benefit to you.
If you decide to brave the crowds today, please don’t transform into an animal. A little holiday cheer & some good ol’ fashioned kindness will go a long way.
Merry Christmas! 
~Kraig
